Dearest readers,

It's been an entire month since I have posted.

I am really sorry to say this, but I can't post in here,at least not until I've healed.

I loved a man for the past 780 days, a man who had brought me some sort of happiness every single one of those days. There was anger, there was pain, there was sadness, there was resentment... but most importantly, there was happiness. There is love.

Until I can look at my memories and only smile, I do not have the mental or emotional strength to post in here.

Thank you, for everyone who has ever followed my blog, for everyone who cares about me. I care about you as well, and I hope to see you all very soon.

Please pray for me.


Always,
Justina

My mornings have been better than ever, and this picture is not the only reason.
I can't remember the last time I woke up early enough to have the time to spare, to enjoy a delightful meal. I love hotcakes with butter&maple syrup. Mmm.. even better when the sausage has syrup too.

nomnomnom

First day of HEARTS program. I've always wanted to be in a teacher's lounge... and here I am! I'm a REAL teacher now :D (sort of).

I've really been craving noodles lately. It's probably the cold weather. This is how I spent Monday night... alone at University Cafe, studying & eating.

No matter what, anywhere is better than home. Even these stairs, leading up to Yanbo's place. As I pulled into the parking lot today, I realized how happy it made me to see these stairs.

I've been waking up at 8am for the past few weekends to volunteer at the food bank. I took a picture of the warehouse today. I actually enjoy it... brought my iPod today & just listened to music while bonding.

I've started to enjoy pho way too much. It's become a weekly tradition for me. I always get the beef balls without vegetables. No bean sprouts, but plenty of lime & hoisin sauce.

Our campus actually looks quite beautiful at night. It's very calming to walk in the cool evenings back to my car... sometimes a 10 minute walk can stretch to 20, or 30.

I had my first real meeting today for ACorps. Yes, we met in a beautiful theater in the Cesar Chavez/Bobby Bonds community center.

Costco! We had a communal cart, and only the food items were mine&Yanbo's.

If you've been wondering what happened to me, this is it. I've been holed up in the library until 11pm everyday (from 9am)... or in class. Or at work. Or eating. I'm sorry. So... tired.

So this is what I wore to the Halloween party that Yanbo's coworker threw. She is a MILF. Over 40, and she's smoking hot. I would totally date her.

Anyway, I went with my new roommates. It was so awesome to play with them.

Also, don't freak out, it's only exposed midriff!

This is a thai iced tea. It is really, really good.

Creepy, huh? Apparently we have a whole system of underground rooms at UCR. I went down below Sproul and took this picture of a rather ominous hallway. I felt like twins were going to pop out and eat me.

If you ever wanted to know what my pot looks like when the first stages of curry are being made... here it is.

It's midterm/term paper week, and I have been super stressed out. I drive my car here after my 3pm class after I get food, so I can sit here overlooking this gorgeous view in my car (yes that's my hood), and eat food. mmm. Small comforts in life.

I want to make this. I know how... just no time.

For the first time, I bought a whole chicken & proceeded to roast it with..grape, honey, tarragon, thyme, shallots, among other things. Oohh, and butter. mmm.
It was 4 pounds.

I made chocolate chip cookies. These smelled divine.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows. Yummy! Going to try to make "real" hot chocolate soon.

Life.
Tangled.

I'm supposed to drink this in two days. That's impossible, I think.

I made chicken tortilla soup, from scratch! It tasted... ehh... not as good as Island's. But I tried, for sure.

Made caramelized onion today, with roast beef into a sandwich.

RECIPE
onion, french styled
olive oil
balsamic vinegar

1. heat olive oil on medium heat
2. when oil shimmers, add in onion
3. saute 10 minutes, stirring constantly
4. turn heat down lowest
5. saute 40 minutes, or until nice and soft
6. add a LITTLE vinegar for new flavors

Tomato, onion, bell-pepper and chicken rice.

RECIPE
onion
tomato
olive oil or butter
bellpepper (red or orange, preferably)
rice (day old, preferably)

1. chop up the onions
2. chop up tomato
3. chop up bell pepper
4. heat oil in pan on medium high
5. saute onions until soft (about 7 minutes) stir often
6. add in the bellpepper
7. saute another 5 minutes
8. add in tomato
9. saute 1 minute
10. add in the rice, mix well
11. saute until desired
12. serve!

After the salsa sat in the fridge overnight, I used it to make some tortilla!

RECIPE FOR SALSA:
onions
tomatoes
cilantro
lemons
shrimp (optional) cooked

1. chop up everything but lemons
2. mix together
3. drizzle lemon juice over (1 lemon for 1 onion)
4. mix well
5. let it sit overnight

It tastes better with shrimp, but I couldn't afford it ><
2.

Yanbo told me today (when he asked who would put the groceries away and I said, I'm the only one that does, love.) that there are studies that show women who do housework regularly have a 33% less likely chance of getting breast cancer. I told him that if that's the case, I'm downright immune. He just laughed and said, "Good."

Above you will see the dishes I do on a daily basis, sometimes more than once. I also try to go through the fridge every other day to throw out food that going bad, re-organize it, etc. I wipe and clean the counters as well. If I get breast cancer, I'm going to be very angry.


(jaykay. I think the study is because women who don't do housework are more likely to be ambitious, high-energy, super-driven women who hire nannies/housekeepers.. and their stressful, high-pace jobs give them breast cancer.)

So I was called today and told that I was prescribed the wrong antibiotic, so they gave me EVEN MORE. Joys. Here are two anti-nausea (take as needed) and two antibiotics that I have. &yes, I was asked if I wanted painkillers, and no, I did not need any, even though my kidneys are killing me. Apparently I had a left kidney infection. That would explain why I've been aching like someone has been punching my kidney for the past 72 hours.

Some fruit I prepared for Yanbo when he plays LoL. Lucky Yanbo, having food brought to him prepared as he sits on his ass and plays LoL.

Made pasta today! Also, went to the ER for vomiting and nausea again. Had a very painful shot to my hip to stop the vomiting, missed class ><. Yanbo thinks the strain to get to class (walking 30 minutes in really hot weather, 95?) made me worse.

Went to get dinner with Eusden and two of his coworkers at Neil's Pasta and Seafood. It was really delicious. Most importantly, I got a chance to see my oppa & chat a little in person, which is always very nice.
Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to visit Beijing and teach there, if only for a year.

Yanbo come home from work today and complained (jokingly) because... there was no hot dinner waiting for him. I think I've spoiled him way too much.. pretty sure that, in college at least, having a meal at the end of your day is a rare treat, not an everyday occurrence. I told him to make a sandwich, but I caved in and made this potato salad. This was super easy to make. Potatoes, mayo, mustard, celery, pickles, onions, hardboiled egg (save time by boiling the potatoes with the egg. Also, if you're lazy like me, you can just boil the potato until the skin is cracking a little. Makes it super easy to cube and prepare, plus you just throw the potatoes in!) The recipe called for basil and red bell pepper, but I was like.. pft.

I LOVE potato salad, to be honest. I think next time I'll throw in a bit of balsamic vinegar&olive oil and see how that turns out.

RECIPE
2 potatos
mayo
mustard
1 stalk of celery
1 pickle
1 table pickle juice
1/2 onion
1 to 2 eggs

1. boil egg and potatoes together until potatoes aredone (but not too soft)
2. chop up potato, egg, celery, onion, and pickle
3. mix together
4. add in pickle juice
5. add in mustard
6. add in mayo
7. let chill or eat warm

I'm really proud of this creme brulee I made. The dark sprinkles is ground cinnamon, and I made this completely from scratch! (I used the egg whites in a spinach omelet later). I didn't have the little torch for the sugar, so I stuck it in the broiler for 2-3 minutes.

[Actually, I made 4 of them, but I only took a picture of this one.]

RECIPE
5 egg yolks (discard whites, or save for omelette)
1 pint of heavy cream
1/4th cup of sugar (more or less, depending how sweet you like it)
vanilla extract (as much as you want)
nutmeg
cinnamon

PREHEAT OVEN TO 370
1. mix yolk & sugar together until fluffy
2. in saucepan, heat heavy cream and vanilla extract, a little cinnamon until VERY hot but NOT boiling (it will curdle)
3. mix a little of the yolk and hot cream
4. pour the rest of the yolk into saucepan, mix well
5. pour into ramekins, top with nutmeg & cinnamon
6. bake in waterbath for 30 minutes or longer, until it jiggles like jello slightly in the middle
7. when it's done, fridge it overnight or 2 hours
8. CRUNCHY TOP: sprinkle sugar over the top, then broil it or use a torch

This is my double baked potato recipe I tried. It was actually surprisingly simple and very time effective.

RECIPE:
4 russet potatoes
olive oil
bacon (4 slices)
milk
butter

1. rub potatoes with olive oil, poke with a fork, and bake at 350 for an hour or until soft
2. when potatoes are done, fry bacon (no oil, bacon has a lot) while potatoes cool
3. chop up the bacon
4. cut potatoes in half, like little boats. scoop out potato, but leave a thin layer of it on the potatoes (see picture)
5. mix the potato (hopefully still fairly warm), bacon, milk, butter, and bacon drippings
6. divide into the little boats

one slice of bacon for every potato.

Pretty much the cutest dog in the whole world.

Debating on whether or not I should use this picture.

As some of you may know, I'm on a budget. A really, really, really tight one. I was at Target the other day, though, while waiting for Yanbo to get off work, and I found these adorable mugs for $1.00. How awesome is that? Not only do I get to replace my broken coffee cup, I get to replace it (cheaply) with a (much much much) cute(r) mug that reminds me of my wonderful baby Dinner (who, I have heard, is being spoiled by the grandparents up north in Palo Alto).

So this deceptively simple dinner took a lot more time than yesterdays dinner. The tomato is oven roasted (with olive oil, oregano, salt and freshly ground pepper). The chicken is sauteed in butter with shallots and tarragon. The pasta is the easiest part, mixed with olive oil to keep it nice and fresh.

RECIPE
tomato
shallots
chicken (diced)
tarragon
olive oil or butter
oregano
salt
pepper
pasta

(MAKE PASTA, then drain and toss in olive oil to keep it fresh)
1. cut up tomatoes, drizzle with oil and oregano, salt and pepper to taste
2. bake for 15 minutes at 400
3. heat butter or oil in pan
4. saute shallots for 8 minutes ish on medium high
5. add in chicken
6. cook until chicken is done
7. add in tomatoes
8. mix with pasta

This was a success. Like a major success, as far as I'm concerned. Yanbo ate four servings in one sitting.

So for a very long time I've been in LOVE with the tarragon chicken sandwich from Starbucks. The only problem is that it's like 7.25 for a measly little sandwich.

I found this recipe for chicken tarragon salad, and I recreated it as best I could. While it's not the same taste, it's still tasty (honestly).

There's celery, cranberries, chicken, mayo, lemon juice, and tarragon.

RECIPE
2/3 cup of cranberries
1 cup of cooked chicken, chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped
2 table of tarragon
1 juice from lemon
1/2 cup of mayo (or to taste)
mix it all together :), mayo last

eat stuffed in tomato, on bread, with lettuce, or plain

Not going to lie, it was an incredibly stressful, difficult week. Lots of problems that left me drained in every sense of the word... my physical and mental health. I snapped this picture as I was waiting for the bus, to remind myself that the world is still gorgeous. It looked much more vivid, this picture is but a reflection in a dark pool.

Does this look good? It tasted pretty bad. We all have failures sometimes. Lesson learned... bean sprouts can not be substituted for bell peppers.

My very first attempt at a homemade sauce. It's a tomato tarragon sauce that is completely homemade... save for the olive oil, which I bought. Otherwise, it's all fresh herbs and spices and vegetables! I loved how it turned out, and I can't wait to try it again.

I read somewhere in an article something about the psychology of a certain picture of food. The family was there, and there was an elaborate repast laid out.. yet, as my professor noted, the labor was not there. She said it was a crime against the mother, a way of minimizing her by not showing all the work that was put into the picture. So here is a picture of what my cutting board usually looks like after a meal. There's actually no ginger or lemon shown here, two things I really enjoy adding into my food.

This is a recipe I've wanted to recreate for a very, very, very long time. It's the rice you find from Chipotle! I made a lime-cilantro flavored rice... a little different from Chipotles, but it was still pretty good in burritos (I think, anyway). Yanbo ate the whole box that was meant for lunch and dinner in one sitting, so we had to eat pb&j for dinner. hahaha.

This is a picture of the UCR campus. It almost looks distinguished, doesn't it? At the end is the stage they were setting up for Block Party. I didn't get to go, but I heard Estelle was there.

There's no doubt I love peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. Simple delicious snack that is perfect for a late night snack (while playing LoL)!

My dishes tend to look the same. I swear, they're healthy as well. Here is chicken, red pepper, and red onion. On top of jasmine rice (I prefer white over brown rice), this is a simple, easy, quick meal that is good for you. Well, pretty good, anyway. If I had more stuff I would have tossed in some cubed pineapple. Pineapple is SOOOO tasty with chicken (at least in my opinion)!

I'm not going to lie, I honestly dream of mooncakes. I LOVE mooncakes, but ONLY the red bean kind. I prefer mine red bean with duck egg. I'll eat black sesame... but the other kinds? No thank you :[. I can imagine all sorts of yummy ones though, someday.. some sort of mango-sago like mooncake, or pineapple bun bread type.. but none that I see. (OR I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS: Green tea mooncake. OMG.. now THAT is something I'd love to try.)

Yanbo likes lotus seed (white), so I got him that one (yes he ate it), and I'm going to cry that there's no Asian stores in Riverside that sell my beloved red bean mooncake. WHY AM I NOT IN CHINA?!